Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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