I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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