Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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