He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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