He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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