so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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