You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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