i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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