when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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