my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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