Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
