He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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