i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
