how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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