She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
