i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize