Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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