Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
