that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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