No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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