somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
