I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my being single is dangerous.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My ass is underappreciated
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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