what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
