so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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