worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
