my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
