I wanna bring you to show and tell
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
