UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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