Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
