That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
