best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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