with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
