hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
