party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You left your phone here
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