Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
