My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
