Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
