If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
