My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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