I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
