WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
