you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
