Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
