I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
two words: eviction party
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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