end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
