is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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