Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize