he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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