Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
