What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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