Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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