Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
