is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
