Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
