I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
