Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
