It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize