You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
