did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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