Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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