so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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