part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
