Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
birth control should be required to get into college
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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