We won't sleep together?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
