what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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