chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
