i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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