careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
