I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
