I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
