she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
