dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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