my sisters under your porch take her home
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
