Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize