I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
