carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
a search helicopter?!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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