sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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